i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
