this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize