Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
