He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
