Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
