I forgot how hot balto sounded
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
