i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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