Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
