He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
