My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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