we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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