weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
