we made out on top of his cat.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
