Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
