So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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