respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize