"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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