and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
