I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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