at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
