I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
