"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
