but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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