Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
