her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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