sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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