I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
