I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
