Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
