hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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