She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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