And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
