its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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