I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
