Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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