What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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