all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
