my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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