the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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