I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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