Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
