omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Randomize
