I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
