The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
