i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
