so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
