I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
