me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
