Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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