If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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