I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
