You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
