I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
