Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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