Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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