It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
