i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
