i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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