If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
