really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
