Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The Olympian is in my bed
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
