lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
