She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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