the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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