you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
