I'm really into asian looking animals
I think I won the penis lottery.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize