Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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