I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
