Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
