Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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