i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
