I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
