Your mouth is God's brothel.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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