3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
