just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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