Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
