I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
