Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize