Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
