Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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