apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
