You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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