I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
