Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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