i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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