Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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