cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
