When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
