I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
