I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
