my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
