So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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