the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
