He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
