I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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