you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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