We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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