I think my vagina is haunted
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize