If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
