you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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