ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
