none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
They are going to name an STD after you.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
