Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize