i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
