Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
