Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
