It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
