In America we eat man semen.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhhâ€
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