if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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