Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
