broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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