I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
two words...techno handjob
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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